The other day was a mess.
I was dizzy, more dizzy than I had ever been, and I was alone. The girls were with their Papa and the boy was with a friend, while my husband was at work. I sat in an urgent care room with two hospital gowns draped over me, waiting for the doctor to perform a neurological exam. I was nervous to say the least; hysterical would probably be more accurate.
My friend was texting me to let me know that my son was beside himself and she could not get him to calm down. I told her to bring him to the clinic while I waited. But I knew that her coming also meant that she'd have to see me at my worst.
The only one who had really seen me at my most anxious state was my family, and mostly my husband. I often close off this portion of my life because I didn't want to burden anyone with my anxieties. I don't want anyone to worry for me.
My friend, though, is more than my friend. She is like a sister, gladly laying down her own life to help others (well, she might say different, but this is what I see). When she says "anything you need," she means it. She knows how to love like Jesus.
And I was reminded of when the Bible says "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." (Gal. 6:2) The law of Christ is to love God with all your self, and love your neighbor.
My friend walked in on me at my worst. She was worried, but I know she was praying for me. She was bearing my burden. She was wishing she could do more. And even though we haven't talked much since it happened, I feel loved and supported and encouraged by her. She wasn't freaked out. She didn't run.
It turns out I had vertigo, and my hypochondria had gotten the best of me. I was a little embarrassed, as I always am when I find out what I had was not as severe as I feared.
Seeing me at my worst, I think my friend knows better what I'm going through and how to pray and care for me. I still don't want her to worry, but I also know that her concern for me speaks volumes of her love.
My question for you is, do you let your friends see your worst?
This was great Megan. It is really hard to let people see you at your weakest. I'm ok telling people I get depressed and anxious, but it is something completely different to let them be with me during a meltdown. I do struggle with that. Thank you for your honesty and example.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, and I love the theme of this blog. A friend of mine was following you on Twitter, and I had to look around myself.
ReplyDeleteI have several posts about anxiety and depression as well: I write stories about how other people deal with them. Here's one about a girl with adrenal fatigue who dropped out of school when it got bad: http://www.sackclothandtea.com/?p=541
Keep writing! Your project is great!