Touchy Topic Tuesday: Tripplehorn, party of two?

(if you haven't seen the movie "Date Night", then you don't know what this title means)

When you become parents, carving out time for a date can be as hard as cutting a $2.99 steak with a butter knife.  It takes maneuvering, gusto, and intense hunger.  It's easy to give up and just chuck that steak into the garbage and order Chinese.  

On a date with #3 tagging along in my belly

I remember our first date after having our first daughter.  We went to stay at the Sybaris (bow-chicka-wowow!  YES IT WAS CLEAN!  Everyone asks me that) and ate fried macaroni and tried to watch "The New World" but it was awful and I'm pretty sure I leaked breastmilk multiple times and the night felt like one long run-on sentence.  It kinda made me not want to go out together again.  It was so much work.  Getting a sitter, preparing the milk, prying myself away from my child (I think that happens only after the first child...), worrying about the child (that never ends), it can all be pretty exhausting. 

Or you could have a kid like I used to be who makes the babysitter call you because they think they have skin cancer or some flesh-eating bacteria.  But those chances are slim.  That you have a kid like that, that is.  (Skin cancer is surprisingly common but often treatable if caught in time.  Not sure about flesh-eating bacteria.)

My point is, that you can always find excuses to NOT go on dates with your loved one because it is a lot of work.  But how often do we say, "I should date my spouse because I am trying to prevent us from ever getting a divorce"?  

One of my most favorite dates was when we decided to go to a casino because we had never been to one before and I think we spent about $20 and decided it was kinda lame so we sat in the cafeteria and talked for two hours.  And I was reminded why I love that man.  And it only took $20 in donations to the Potawatomi tribe to remember that; often it takes less money than that.

The best piece of advice we got as new parents was to always date each other, because one day the kids will grow up and move away, and then we'll only have one another.  Our kids are watching us and crave to see a healthy relationship modeled for them.  I pray this is what our kids see in us as a couple.

Okay, so here's my plug.  We (Rob and I) are doing the Date Night Challenge (of which I am also assisting with the social media campaign), and I want to invite you to do it too.  It's all about fostering a deeper relationship with your love.  It's so simple: enter your email on the website, or like us on facebook and go on one or more dates between Feb. 6 and March 11.  You can even download a mobile app on Jan. 30 that gives great ideas, coupons and connections, or find all the info on the website.  (Did I mention they are gonna giveaway some crazy awesome prizes?!?!  I can't tell you yet...but I will tell you they are better than you are thinking they will be.)

So grab your butter knives and start carving that cheap hunk-o-meat!  Or better yet, make reservations with your spouse at a nice steakhouse where the steak is as tender as butta.  Rimshot!

Touchy Topic Tuesday: In the mourning.

The winter is a fitting time to lament here the suburbs of Chicago.

I'm looking outside right now where the wind is fiercely blowing an intimidating wintry mix of snow and ice.  I like it when the weather matches my mood.

Today I'm mourning with Courtney who lost her son Tripp a few days ago.

I let myself cry for them for a long time yesterday.  I did not personally know them, but as a mother, my heart hurt for Courtney and the family.  I wondered if I was being dramatic in mourning for people I had never met.

I am a news junkie.  I love reading stories of all sorts from all over the world.  Even the ones that are sad.  When people hear this about me, they often retort, "I don't keep up with the news, there are too many depressing things in the world."

There are too many depressing things in this world.  But I believe there is a time to deal with these serious issues, things that are unsettling, nerve-wracking, and heart-wrenching.  It's okay to meet them.  We need not dwell on these things all the time.  But we need to learn how to deal with it in the moment as we mature and grow as human beings.

It doesn't mean we have to be Debbie Downer.  It simply means that we confront these issues as they come, acknowledge our feelings and the way others feel, and decide what needs to be done about it.  Too often we are a people who are pleasure seekers, avoiding the hurtful things because sometimes they are just too messy and demanding.  And sometimes we are confronted with really ugly moments outside of our choices, and we deal with the pain by covering it up or numbing ourselves to it in various ways.

Here are ways I have learned to cope in those sorts of situations:

1)  Let yourself be sad.

You don't need to feel guilty for crying.  It is usually an appropriate response.  Allow yourself to "mourn with those who mourn." (Romans 12:15)  Recognize there is a "time to weep" and a "time to mourn." (Ecc. 3:4)

2)  Have something to keep you balanced

I think part of the problem of being sucked into the vortex of depression is feeling like there is nothing this world has to offer.  When encountering something disturbing, and all seems hopeless, turn to something that can make you laugh.  Reminding yourself of the positive things in life is not escaping the issue, but rather striking a healthy balance (Ecc 3:4 also affirms a "time to laugh" and a "time to dance"). 

3) Pray

Often when I read something that breaks me, I'm allowed an opportunity to bring it before a big God who cares.  Most of the time I can only utter a few words in my distress, but I believe these can be the most powerful words I can say because they are so authentic and compassionate.

What ways do you deal with emotional pain? 

Thankful Thursday: Positive Parenting.

I can go from 60 to zero pretty quickly.  Want to know how?

Mom guilt.

After the kids are tucked in bed, I begin to let my self slip into it pretty quickly.  How did I let them watch THREE movies today?  Why did I yell so hard when Mercy was brushing her hair with a toothbrush?  Did I really spend more time on the computer than with them?  Yes, that all happened today.

It's so easy for me to focus on the negative.  I go straight there, every single time.  Every time.  My old counselor once advised me to make a list of five positive things that happened in a day. 

So along the same lines, I'm going to list the positive parent moments from today.

1)  I let my girls play outside, while the baby watched them from inside.

2)  I taught my daughter how to say "cool dude"

3)  I read them a book from my own childhood, complete with accents and actions.

4)  I made them eat their fruits and veggies for every meal.

5)  I made sure to hug them and tell them that I loved them.

I feel much better.  Thankful to be able to remember those moments, which will hopefully outshine all the nasty negatives from today.

Funny Friday/Silly Saturday: What am I weighting for?

"I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge."
-Paula Poundstone

"What's so funny about losing weight?"

-My mom

"Why are these human women always comparing themselves to me?  It hurts my feelings."

-A beached whale

I went a little unconventional this year and thought perhaps I'd start my New Years Resolution not on the New Year and not call it a New Years Resolution.  It will just be called that "thing I do."  Then there is less obligation to feel bad if I don't reach my goal.

I'm hoping to lose (not loose) some weight and in the end look like Halle Berry.  Skin and all.  Do you think I'm setting myself up for failure?

 How may I reach this incredible goal?  I'm considering doing a cleanse.   Hahaha, no, no.  Not really, I just always want to say that because it sounds so cool and hip and fit.  Like I live in Portland. 

Here is a list of my favorite things to eat/drink that I will try to avoid during my thing I do:

1) Peanut M&Ms

2) Starbucks peppermint mochas

3) Bananas with globs of peanut butter

4) Pizza

5) Bread

6) Pretty much everything

I cannot (yet) give up coffee with cream and sugar.  I've tried and tried different types of stevia, but they all seem to have that bitterness that comes like when drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth.

I also plan to exercise, other than toting around three kids all day.  With that, you'd think I'd look like Ms. Berry by now.  I guess for some people that works, and others takes a bit more effort.  I've also heard that the medicine I take makes me gain/retain weight.  Oh, and probably all that food I've been eating.

My goal is by May 3 (my son's birthday) to lose 20 pounds, which will be my pre-pregnancy weight.  Feel free to encourage me, share your own journey, or tell me a joke.  

Here's to skinny jeans and single chins!

 

Touchy Topic Tuesday: You're a dream come true.

New years are always filled with new dreams.  Dreams to accomplish something, dreams to let go of the past, dreams to find new things to dream.

Parents not only have their own dreams they desire for themselves, but also for their children.  For example,  this year, I hope for my oldest daughter that she learns how to not whine at every little thing (I dream big, folks).  For my younger daughter, I'm hoping this is a successful potty training year.  And for my baby boy, I have hopes that he will grow some more hair.  And of course I have hopes and dreams for their whole lives...that they would find happiness, truth, and meaning.  That they would not grow cynical in a wearying and restless world.  That they would learn to love and be loved. 

I realized that not only do we have dreams for our own children, but I believe our heavenly Father has dreams for us, too.  I realized this in a great example recently.

In my favorite show Parenthood, one of the teenage characters, Amber, puts herself in grave danger when she gives into illicit behaviors and suffers a near-fatal car accident.  After she recovers, her grandfather Zeke, the patriarch of the very tight Braverman family, takes her to the junkyard to see the totaled vehicle she was in.  He goes on to tell her that when he was in Vietnam, he dreamed of the day when he would come home and live to see his grandchildren.  He very powerfully tells her, "I dreamt you."  He then goes on to say that her stupid behavior almost took his dreams away, and that she has no right to do that.

Wow.  Needless to say, I was in tears.  And again, I felt God saying to me, "That's what I think about you."

"I dreamt you."

It reminded me of the verse in Jeremiah where God tells His people, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'"  (29:11-13).  It reminded me that we as people are dreams of God come true, who has hopes and plans for each one of our lives.  

There is only thing we have to do to find out these plans, hopes, and dreams...seek Him.

Sometimes we just need to know that someone is rooting for us, believes in us, in order to accomplish our purposes.  And sometimes our purposes are not what we dream, but what the dreamer has in store for us.  We need to know we are safe, no matter what, in order to carry out these plans and hopes.

What do you think God dreams for you?  What is it He is calling you to do, to be?  What is holding you back?