La-la-la-teeeeeekaaaaaa!!!!! (A guide to road-trips)

Ready to roll!

I thought I'd share some things I learned while our family of five drove from the Chicago, IL area to Sarasota, FL.  The total drive is about 20 hours or so each way...which, with kids, can mean a lifetime.  By the way, there is no order to these tips/observations.  In fact, there is no order to anything about this trip, at all, except that it had a beginning and an end.


1.  Apparently there's a market in the south for truckers to frequent massage spas run by Asian women, as evidenced by the plethora of billboards advertising this along the highway.

2.  The wind fields in Indiana are sprawling and a wonder to behold, especially during sunset.

3.  Nashville is the cutest city ever.

4.  South Georgia is pretty, but Northern Georgia is gorgeous.  And there is no "central" Georgia, but there is a "middle" Georgia.

5.  Clams have tongues which they use to dig themselves back in the sand.

6.  Siesta Key literally has billions of teeny clams lining the island's shore.

7.  The express pass at Universal Studios really is worth the money.

8.  You can buy the same exact Harry Potter wand online for a fraction of the price than the one at the theme park.

9.  Atlanta's traffic is bad, as rumors had it, but I still think Chicago's is worse.

10.  Toddlers will not sleep all night in a car while their heads loll around.

11. I do have the three best kids ever.

12.  An adult book on a road trip with three kids will NOT be read.  Unless it is an audio book and you have headphones in and your spouse/travel companion is handling all the children's needs.

13.  My favorite part of the drive was Chattanooga and all the hills.  But it was also the scariest to drive, and I'm pretty sure I was white-knuckled the whole way.

14.  I brought back about five pounds of Siesta Key's famous white sand to share with everyone.  Spread across my van's floor.

15.  No matter how well or fast you drive, someone will pull up next to you with a grimace and/or hand gesture as they pass you.

16.  Salt water really burns legs after shaving.

17.  Leave three kids in the backseat for long enough, and they will begin to invent their own language. (la-la-la-la-teeeekaaaaa!)

18.  The amount of energy drinks Rob can consume without dying is amazing.

19.  The correct ratio of iPads to children is 1:1.  Anything less will result in World War 3.

20.  Every place is cheaper to buy gas than Chicago.  Except maybe California, but we didn't drive there.  Thankfully.

21.  There is a town in Georgia named 'Cordele.'  Close enough.

22.  We still aren't sure how to say Murfreesboro.

23.  While on the road, chances are slim to find a Hawaii license plate.

24.  The Lumineers and Ray LaMontagne provide the best road trip music.  Hands down.

25.  Every time I passed a Waffle House, I thought of Jim Gaffigan.  Which was a lot.  And also weird, because I was listening to his 'Dad Is Fat' audio book.



That's all I can think of now because I'm pretty sure that I'm going to have a road-trip hangover for about the rest of summer.  Sorry if I seem like my IQ dropped 20 points the next time you see me.

Sweet Home Chicago