We didn't really shout from the rooftops that we would be doing foster care. I guess this is me shouting from the proverbial rooftop now by writing this article. Our journey to fostering began more than a year ago when we took the necessary classes to get licensed through the state of Illinois. The classes were exciting, enlightening, and utterly heartbreaking as we learned how to best care for children who have experienced some level of trauma. At the minimum, that trauma could be the devastating family and home separation. At the worst...well, I'm sure you can imagine.
Rob and I had always talked about adopting. We have three biological children, but we felt our home had room for more. In our paradigm, we felt (and still feel) compelled to follow Jesus' words and heart to take care of "the least of these," without expectation of reward, praise and accolades. My hope is that these children would learn that they are unconditionally loved, and that we would give them an opportunity to hopefully heal on some level and experience some sort of redemption.
We were officially ready to accept kids as of June 2019, but waited for the right time. Our goal was potentially permanent adoption of one child. We put things on hold early in 2020, because in addition to a pandemic, we had some family health issues that needed attention. But as we addressed those and gained some semblance of our new normalcy, we decided (as a family, with our kids' permission) that we would accept a placement if the right one came along.
Last week, we all agreed to take in an 11-year old boy, right in between the ages of our other kids. I'll spare you the grisly details of his story, because that is his story, but I can write about how our family has adjusted in the very, very long seven days since he arrived. We realize there is what they call a 'honeymoon' period of adjustment for new placements, where both parties are just getting to know each other and on their best behaviors. So we figure that we may be in that period now.
Judah is very excited to have another boy to hang out with in the house. They love playing legos and Minecraft together, and watching YouTube videos, of course. I have been absolutely blown away and impressed with our kids' accepting natures. I have gained a new level of admiration and appreciation for their hearts of compassion, silliness, and affection. One night, as we were sitting at the dinner table, Mercy went around the table and told each person what she loved about them, including this boy that she had only known for three days. And oh, our kids are very chill.
It has also come with hiccups, naturally, as we learn about this new personality and how one added person can completely change the dynamic of our house. He wakes up very early. He eats about twice the amount of each of our kids. He loves to talk about farting. Mercy got angry that he went on her phone once and changed things in her Minecraft world. Judah was upset when he was blowing things up in a video game they were playing. Mercy didn't like when he touched her with his feet. And, we expect more conflict to happen as things settle down. But our kids are learning, growing, adjusting. And I'm so dang proud.
I've been so impressed seeing Rob in this new capacity. Rob and I been living life together now for more than 15 years, so it's refreshing to see him rise to a challenge that I've never had to witness before. He takes the time to explain things. He's a great mediator in conflict. He provides so much encouragement and helps our space to feel safe. We have long talks at night together about all the kids behaviors and emotional and mental health. He has wisdom and insight and perspective that I don't see.
As for me, I've gone into full administrative mode. Appointments to keep, emails to send, communication with caseworkers, doctors, and teachers. Add e-learning for a new kid at a new school and keeping him on task. I've had to change 'plans' and 'expectations' for each day about 50,000 times.
At night, when I'm lying in bed, I fret about if we are doing the right thing, or if our children are actually okay or if we asked too much of them, or if we can actually make a difference in this little life. I replay his story in my head and worry about his future, whether it is with us or another family. And then my heart breaks over and over and over again thinking of all the children in care and I'm utterly overwhelmed. I have to center my thoughts, narrow my focus, and remind myself that I can take care of one. Just one. And that I can take it one day at a time. And that I'm not alone.
If you've ever been interested in doing foster care, or learning how to support kids in care, I highly recommend a few resources for Illinois.
Let It Be Us is a great organization based in Barrington that has informative events and shares about kids needing immediate placements.
CASA Lake County is a "volunteer organization that empowers everyday citizens as appointed members of the court," where you would help vulnerable children as they navigate the complex legal process (Court Appointed Special Advocate) (I hope to do this in the future).
Second Bridge is a local non-profit that helps to "bridge the gap between the community and foster families," and they can receive donations for immediate needs they post.
