One Week In

We didn't really shout from the rooftops that we would be doing foster care. I guess this is me shouting from the proverbial rooftop now by writing this article. Our journey to fostering began more than a year ago when we took the necessary classes to get licensed through the state of Illinois. The classes were exciting, enlightening, and utterly heartbreaking as we learned how to best care for children who have experienced some level of trauma. At the minimum, that trauma could be the devastating family and home separation. At the worst...well, I'm sure you can imagine.

Rob and I had always talked about adopting. We have three biological children, but we felt our home had room for more. In our paradigm, we felt (and still feel) compelled to follow Jesus' words and heart to take care of "the least of these," without expectation of reward, praise and accolades. My hope is that these children would learn that they are unconditionally loved, and that we would give them an opportunity to hopefully heal on some level and experience some sort of redemption. 

We were officially ready to accept kids as of June 2019, but waited for the right time. Our goal was potentially permanent adoption of one child. We put things on hold early in 2020, because in addition to a pandemic, we had some family health issues that needed attention. But as we addressed those and gained some semblance of our new normalcy, we decided (as a family, with our kids' permission) that we would accept a placement if the right one came along.

Last week, we all agreed to take in an 11-year old boy, right in between the ages of our other kids. I'll spare you the grisly details of his story, because that is his story, but I can write about how our family has adjusted in the very, very long seven days since he arrived. We realize there is what they call a 'honeymoon' period of adjustment for new placements, where both parties are just getting to know each other and on their best behaviors. So we figure that we may be in that period now.

Judah is very excited to have another boy to hang out with in the house. They love playing legos and Minecraft together, and watching YouTube videos, of course. I have been absolutely blown away and impressed with our kids' accepting natures. I have gained a new level of admiration and appreciation for their hearts of compassion, silliness, and affection. One night, as we were sitting at the dinner table, Mercy went around the table and told each person what she loved about them, including this boy that she had only known for three days. And oh, our kids are very chill.

It has also come with hiccups, naturally, as we learn about this new personality and how one added person can completely change the dynamic of our house. He wakes up very early. He eats about twice the amount of each of our kids. He loves to talk about farting. Mercy got angry that he went on her phone once and changed things in her Minecraft world. Judah was upset when he was blowing things up in a video game they were playing. Mercy didn't like when he touched her with his feet. And, we expect more conflict to happen as things settle down. But our kids are learning, growing, adjusting. And I'm so dang proud.

I've been so impressed seeing Rob in this new capacity. Rob and I been living life together now for more than 15 years, so it's refreshing to see him rise to a challenge that I've never had to witness before. He takes the time to explain things. He's a great mediator in conflict. He provides so much encouragement and helps our space to feel safe. We have long talks at night together about all the kids behaviors and emotional and mental health. He has wisdom and insight and perspective that I don't see. 

As for me, I've gone into full administrative mode. Appointments to keep, emails to send, communication with caseworkers, doctors, and teachers. Add e-learning for a new kid at a new school and keeping him on task. I've had to change 'plans' and 'expectations' for each day about 50,000 times. 

At night, when I'm lying in bed, I fret about if we are doing the right thing, or if our children are actually okay or if we asked too much of them, or if we can actually make a difference in this little life. I replay his story in my head and worry about his future, whether it is with us or another family. And then my heart breaks over and over and over again thinking of all the children in care and I'm utterly overwhelmed. I have to center my thoughts, narrow my focus, and remind myself that I can take care of one. Just one. And that I can take it one day at a time. And that I'm not alone.

If you've ever been interested in doing foster care, or learning how to support kids in care, I highly recommend a few resources for Illinois. 

Let It Be Us is a great organization based in Barrington that has informative events and shares about kids needing immediate placements.

CASA Lake County is a "volunteer organization that empowers everyday citizens as appointed members of the court," where you would help vulnerable children as they navigate the complex legal process (Court Appointed Special Advocate) (I hope to do this in the future).

Second Bridge is a local non-profit that helps to "bridge the gap between the community and foster families," and they can receive donations for immediate needs they post. 

The Spiritual Side of the Elections

Photo by Valentin Salja on Unsplash

Tribalism is a hot topic in politics, if you haven't heard. To put it simply, it is the idea that groups of people organize into tribes based on their political beliefs. Some advocate it is necessary, like how friendly competition causes someone to root for their favorite sports team and talk trash about the opposing side. But when it comes to politics, others argue that it is dangerous because it requires allegiances to certain camps and vilifies the 'other.' This is evident in the dominant two-party system in America, where it's easy to draw lines in the sand--Democrats (Liberals) and Republicans (Conservatives) believe such and such, and are either wrong or right because you're either part of the tribe or not.

While I agree that this tendency to polarize is more dangerous than helpful, what I am more interested in today is spiritual influences in tribalism. We demonize people who are 'other.' But in observing people on both sides of the political spectrum, let's consider there is something else at play here. Something...unseen. 

(note: I am not addressing the actual ISSUES that these parties espouse; rather the thoughts, attitudes, and divisions that come from them)

Here's where maybe I lose some of you. I realize my audience here may have very different faith backgrounds--some of you are given to modern, Enlightenment thinking that dismisses the 'supernatural' and are more scientifically-minded. Some of you may be pagan, or gnostics, and therefore are very in tune with different beings and and realms. Some of you may be a mix of beliefs, or just undecided. So going into this, I'm curious: what do you personally know about spiritual realms? Do you believe they exist? What have you experienced of the spiritual reality that may exist beyond your ability to see, hear, touch or feel physically?

It is my understanding that humans can't be purely physical, because to assume so would be discounting the common conclusions that every country, culture and tribe in history have shared. Sure, there are varying degrees of philosophy on this idea, but the dominant thinking across cultures is one that maintains that we are both body and spirit. Despite the ushering of the modern age and Western enlightenment, these ideas of another 'dimension' persist.  

What if the tribalism and division we are seeing in the political arena is a result of humans being manipulated by unseen forces in this other spiritual dimension? That is to say, what if our biggest problem in politics is not the 'other' person, but an 'other' realm? 

I can't help but come to the conclusion of spiritual influences in politics, based on my own personal beliefs stemmed from a historically and evidential Christian perspective.  (For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12: ). Also, I realize that to try to fully explain and cover every nuance of this issue in one blog post would lead to a novel, so let me be brief at the expense of lengthy explanations.

(special note for Christians reading this: I ask you to come to this conversation with humility, not with an air of being an expert in all things supernatural. I know how we, as Christians, think we always have the answers. And when it comes to politics, I ask that you add an extra dose of humility to not come to this conversation with thinking that the 'other' side are the ones who are evil or are being influenced by evil.)

Recently, I decided to read a book to my children called "Spirit of the Rainforest" written by our friends' dad, who basically recorded the stories of a former Yąnomamö shaman in the Amazon rainforest. I wanted my children to witness how there are other forces at play in this world, even if we don't always see them. So this book I had read many years ago came to mind. Few books have been so formative in my understanding of the spirit realm than this account. While some have called it a piece of missionary propaganda, I can personally vouch and speak to the integrity of the person who wrote it, i.e., what is written is what happened. This story is a very literal account of tribalism, untarnished by modern political divides and Westernized thinking. 

The Yąnomamö are infamously warring tribes who seek revenge on other villages and are caught in this endless cycle of fighting by listening to their spirit guides. The spirit world is very real for the shamans, coming as naturally to their senses as it does for our own Western eyes and ears. They would invite different spirits into their lives who would live in their 'shabono,' or heart. They would party with them 'in the spirit,' or even visit villages nearby to kill some of their people, all 'in the spirit.' Sometimes these spirits seemed benign. Sometimes they were malevolent. These spirits could help them do things, and these spirits would often convince them to attack their enemies and seek revenge for a personal injustice. But there was never peace. They were whispering in the ears of their shaman who they should attack next, and how they should do it. Some spirits would take a bite out of children's stomachs during their 'travels,' only to have the child die the next day. It was a constant tit-for-tat between tribes being led by their shamans, who in turn were led by their spirits. 

You may think, well, we don't have spirits like that in a 'civilized' culture. However, even when foreigners from developed countries would come to visit the Yąnomamö, the shamans would discern that they had certain spirits, even if they didn't know it. As I am reading this to my kids, it occurred that some of the same behavior or attitudes I was seeing in this shaman's retelling held a similar tenor to the political rhetoric I was witnessing daily on Facebook, Twitter, political leaders, the news, etc. The spirits of dissension, war, trickery, and charm. These were all very real beings in the Yąnomamö way of life. Is it possible those same, or similar beings are influencing us? 

Maybe you are thinking that's a pretty big leap to take: aren't human beings sometimes just ugly and nasty and distasteful on these platforms, and in politics? Perhaps. Does it really take spirits to influence behaviors and attitudes? Probably not always. But I do believe it becomes more likely when power and control are the perceived prize, as my experience with these spirits has always been about power-grabbing and influence. Politics, then, is an easy arena to operate in. 

Another (albeit, fictional) example: there's a scene at the end of the recent Wonder Woman movie where (spoiler alert) Ares reveals that he is actually the villain. His hatred of humans sought their demise by whispering nefarious ideas into their ears that propelled them into warring schemes so they would ultimately destroy one another. It's a perfect analogy for what I believe enemy spirits are doing to us as humans. The important thing to remember is: ultimately we have the responsibility to decide if we are to act or react on these thoughts. 

I believe the idea behind these serious implications of spiritual influence has Biblical roots from the dawn of time. Spiritual beings are woven throughout Scripture and our origin story. The 'Elohim,' or beings other than humans, created by God, have held dominion and authority in our present ordered universe. A simplified version of understanding these beings and their interaction with the earth and humans can be found here in a great, thoughtful and not-boring video  series from my favorite Bible Project guys. Let me reiterate that it's an oversimplification for a complex concept and I recommend listening to their extended explanations in their podcast, and also the resources they recommend.

We are in a state in our country where people are absolutely flabbergasted that there is so much divide. And we can't seem to put our finger on how we got here. Perhaps this is the result of a campaign aimed at creating division, born of both physical man's brokenness and malevolent spiritual influence.

Ultimately, in the story of the Yąnomamö, the tribes were able to come to peace when they 'threw away' their spirits and accepted the Spirit of God. The peace they discovered after doing so was incomparable.

Do you think it's possible that you, or someone you know, is being influenced, in some way, by extreme ideas originating from divisive spirits? And if you think it is the OTHER side only being influenced by dark forces...that perhaps, maybe, you may be part of the problem? I know I certainly struggle with walking that fine line of peace and trying to see the humanity in all people, despite their political leanings. Humility will be critical, and asking the Source of wisdom for wisdom. If it is the case the we are being influenced by the 'other,' let us be on guard for those who seek our demise. Perhaps, though, it is not your fellow human, or the agenda they may have adopted. 

Generations.

When I hug you

I reach through 

generations—

The round faces and

olive skins,

the old eyes in

our repeat kin—

of worn and weary

bones and bending

far from God.

(the archetype of ages)

My aching arms 

absorb the trauma 

of the missing mamas

and the drunken 

papas

and now I’m clutching

my father

but a child

and I scarce can take it in.

I’m there. But here.

It’s imprinted in our veins and 

is an echo 

in our brains.

When will be the end of

The Curse

and the parade of hearses

and the babies born with

forgotten verses tattooed on

their hearts,

only to break, and mend.

and break, and mend.

Until then,

I’ll squeeze with all my might

and cauterize

the family wound.

Boys will be boys.

At certain angles,
with a clean cut
and sharp edges,
they are still boys.

Once upon a time,
someone cared
for that hair--
shaping each one
so that when they turn
their ears
naively jutted out
from their heads--
and their mothers cried.

They kissed those ears.
They blessed those ears.

The ears that heard soft
cartoons on a Saturday morning
(don't wake mom and dad!)
and later, curses.
and moans.
and war.
sounds not suitable.

Then their hair unfurled
like a ripple in the water
or maybe an explosion
of innocence--
and their mothers cried.

Photo by Joe Roberts on Unsplash

The New Colonialism

A few weeks ago I was on Facebook perusing through one of my favorite pages, Humans of New York (a photographer who documents the life stories of people he meets on the streets all over the world). There was something that caught my attention in the comments on a particular post. If you are unfamiliar about the comments section on this page, they are usually gold: encouraging, informative, and generally empathetic. They also come from people all over the world with different backgrounds, heritages, religions, and cultures.

The picture and description featured a man in England who had gone through a divorce and was allowed to have his son on the weekends. A woman from a third-world country commented something to the effect of "I am sad they divorced, but also glad he is able to still be in his child's life..." which I considered benign, but seemingly may have been insensitive to first-world folks. Others berated her with comments about how crass that was to say, how could she judge their situation not knowing all the details, etc. They took it as their duty to set this lady straight. She defended herself saying that in her country, divorce was not very accepted but that she was sympathetic toward the man and his son...but that didn't matter to the onlookers. They continued to beat her with a proverbial shame stick because, traditionally speaking, she had a different context. A different culture. A different understanding. But she was told the 'right' way of approaching the situation by first-world folks who believed they were self-aware and perhaps 'further along' culturally than these savages. Of course, they wouldn't say as much, but that was the implication.

Perhaps I'm assuming too much about this situation and their intent. But this wasn't an isolated incident from which I'm drawing large conclusions; this is just a snapshot of what I see happening across the internet. Though designed to bring the world together, the internet has highlighted our different values and perspectives while also accentuating a dominant narrative from countries who have more access to services (due to wealth?) who issue an onslaught of corrective peer pressure; a virtual dog pile on those we perceive as threatening our agendas.

This interaction actually got me thinking about a concept I had thought I had coined as the new digital colonialism; exporting one's value systems to override any other system you perceive as primitive. (For the record, I am aware that even us ranking countries "first-world" and "third-world" can be perceived as value statements made to ensure that other countries can 'know their place' in modern society).

__

For those of us who have been out of social studies or history for a number of years, let me refresh you on the concept of colonialism.

Photo by British Library on Unsplash

By definition, colonialism is "the control or governing influence of a nation over a dependent country, territory, or people." In our modern era, Britain most effectively and famously employed this tactic by seizing islands and territories all around the world in the 19th century, and therefore the slogan "the sun never sets on the British Empire" was coined. But, in reality, it wasn't always sunny, as history has proven, as rebellions arose and injustices were administered to the colonized. My first exposure in education to the ills of colonialism and imperialism was reading Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness (as it was for many with an American education). Conrad exposed the seedy underbelly of a widely-accepted practice. In time, the Empire began to fade as certain countries began to exert their own will and rebellion against the Crown. While some islands and small nations are still ruled by proxy, traditional colonialism (as defined by the U.N.) no longer holds major influence.

But as far as the heart of mankind; that really hasn't changed. It's just found a new outlet.

A culture and value clash became really clear to me personally when I learned how people in different parts of the world perceive the well-known story of Sodom and Gomorrah. In the West, it is commonly believed that the sin for which the cities were destroyed was homosexual practices (where the term 'sodomy' was derived). But in the East, who have more collectivistic cultures, inhospitality was the reason for their demise. This example spotlights the cultural nuance that gets lost in mass communication mediums.

Now, put these folks with different value systems, access to resources, wealth, and language in an internet arena where they can duke it out in comment sections on public pages, and voilà...digital colonialism is born.

Admittedly, as I began to research (Google), I learned that I was not at all the first person to identify this trend. There aren't many articles out there, but there are some.

The theory was actually proposed all the way back in 1981, even before public access to the internet, just as mass communication began to normalize in culture. No longer vying for physical territory, companies and governments alike began seeking mental and psychological real estate in order to build the Empire of the Mind--which easily can translate to money and power.

I like this definition of digital colonialism that you can find here:

Digital colonialism is the new deployment of a quasi-imperial power over a vast number of people, without their explicit consent, manifested in rules, designs, languages, cultures and belief systems by a vastly dominant power.

As capitalism grew and the almighty dollar controlled markets, corporations began to have more influence over the masses rather than just government. Now some people want to blame (and, with credence) Silicon Valley and global media platforms for the rise in digital colonialism. This also has an economic impact of which I'm not smart enough to understand but you can read about it here. Whether traditional or digital colonialism, a common culprit may be at work: power dynamics. In traditional colonialism, the perceived relationship was master and subject, mostly because of the brute force nations could exert on 'weaker' countries, and the platform was territorial relationship. Now that force appears to be that wealth is master, and the platform is purely digital.

While I really have no expertise to suggest practical and wide-sweeping reform, I have been asking how we are personally complicit in this new colonialism? And is all of it misguided (at best) or evil (at worst)? We live in the tension to perceive how large is our responsibility to change someone else’s mind about what we interpret as injustice. And who gets to define injustice and draw those lines?

Are we masking digital colonialism with our progressive agendas, and do we label those who don't agree as 'primitive' in their thinking? Is it our duty to proselytize our own cultural beliefs until the narrative gets changed? Where this gets tricky is when there are actual, real injustices to tackle within a culture without dominating them as a 'project' until they think just like us.

I have a lot of questions, and not a lot of answers. I am not quite sure how one should address this issue apart from the personal examination of one's own heart to see if there is indeed a darkness that lurks within: namely, the darkness that ranks those we perceive as "other."

Approaching the "other" with a proper degree of humility seems to be the solution. 

In order to gain entry through this door of understanding with a low arch, we can't have our heads held high. We have to lower our heads to be able to walk through without injuring ourselves. We basically need to relearn our elementary understanding of what it means to be human: don't assume, and ask questions. That is our personal responsibility.

As for corporations and governments who now employ digital colonialism as a tactic to influence people groups, my advice to the average consumer/voter: don't assume, and ask questions.

I'm not sure this large of a concept can be represented in nearly one blog post; and perhaps sociologists and researchers are further exploring the effects of the internet and digital colonialism to which I'm unaware. Likely, it's a nuanced issue that I am easily painting with broad strokes. I'd be interested to know if anyone has anything of value to add to these thoughts and critiques of these ideas, so I invite your engagement!

Inside a Room.

The world is typical.
Eons over, falling over itself
Tripping up the stairway to heaven.
Fumbling to get a grasp
on the basics:
the faith, the hope, the love.

Surely a life span
is not sufficient time to plan...
especially the waste of day to day.
The limits of a periphery.

Photo by Fredrik Öhlander on Unsplash

Plodding.

Every year, our family likes to sense what God may be wanting to do in and through us for that coming year. As I reflected on some of my hopes and dreams, I had this overwhelming sense that this was a character formation year of learning plodding and consistency. 

verb (used without object), plod·ded, plod·ding.

to walk heavily or move laboriously; trudge:to plod under the weight of a burden.

to proceed in a tediously slow manner:The play just plodded along in the second act.

to work with constant and monotonous perseverance; drudge.

noun, plural con·sist·en·cies.

a degree of density, firmness, viscosity, etc.:The liquid has the consistency of cream.

steadfast adherence to the same principles, course, form, etc.:There is consistency in his pattern of behavior.

agreement, harmony, or compatibility, especially correspondence or uniformity among the parts of a complex thing:consistency of colors throughout the house.

the condition of cohering or holding together and retaining form; solidity or firmness.

These words seem both daunting and yet also comforting; there's a maturity and wisdom in them.

As I'm in my mid-thirties now, I have learned (at least to some extent) to consider the value of unhurried and unrushed results; whether my faith, words, or my work, my fitness, or even my financial aspirations.  I have a little more perspective on my place in the world, and my time in it. I feel less repelled by the idea of a five-year plan, or ten-year plan, or even to think about me in my old age. So I'm needing to learn good habits that will serve me and my family in the long-term, rather than short-term. Not flash-in-the-pan solutions that have served my survival mode of youth for so long; but a steadiness that produces a slow burn at first and needs consistent kindling to produce any worthy flame. 

This isn't to say that suddenly I'm going to begin all these habits that are doomed to fail by February this year. This is adding a little structure and intention to many of my already-existing  routines.

I suppose I've been speaking vaguely, so here are some concrete ways I am plodding consistently:

• -I signed up to receive daily creative writing prompts to which I hope to write at least small fits and starts and develop my skills. These writing muscles have been flaccid far too long and I need a good fitness plan. Perfection isn't the goal; just consistency for now. I feel this is a God-given mandate to my heart at this point; anything else would be disobedience.
• -I don't necessarily have a plan yet, but I do hope to read more. I need it. Especially theology and philosophy and history, as those have occupied my thoughts since...well, since forever. Not to mention more consistency in reading the Bible.
• -I joined a gym last fall and have been attending regularly, and plan to continue that this year.
• -We have been saving for a trip to Ireland and Scotland and are going in May. This is a big deal for us as it marks our 15-year anniversary and also is a symbol to us of abundance. This is the first long trip we've taken since we've been married (besides our honeymoon!).
• -Paying off some medical debts (or praying for miraculous provision). Medical bills don't worry me so much, but they do keep mounting as insurance plans get worse. It's a nagging little thing at the back of my mind always.

That's all for now.