(disclaimer: this was written LATE at night. It seemed funny to me. At the time.)
Hello Black Friday. You never cease to exhaust me. I didn't even go shopping in the wee hours, but yet I'm still tired from hearing about you. All week long you and your ad cronies have been trying to entice me with your 'deals,' but I'm glad I stayed in because I hear I would have been pepper sprayed. So technically, by avoiding the deals, I am paying to not be pepper sprayed. I'd say that's a pretty good deal.
Apparently no one got the memo about the great deals all the time at the Dollar Tree, because that store was empty today. Oh well, more for me. Why yes, I'd love to have your window stickies and fiddle faddle, but I will stay the heck away from your baby products (note to self: write letter to China about lead in the paint).
My bit of advice would be to avoid the morning rush and go at night like I did tonight. Walmart=superawesomefungoodtimes! Not only was there no crowd, but all the checkout folk were soooo crabby from the long day that they didn't even look me in the eye. What's that all about? Don't you know I like to stare longingly into my checkout person's eyes? If anything, I should be avoiding eye contact with you, you weirdo. Just kidding...bless your heart.
Doesn't anyone find the juxtaposition of Thanksgiving and Black Friday to be one of America's greatest ironies? One minute we are so thankful and content, it's so peaceful and we're so full from all that food and all we want to do is unbutton our pants, kick back and enjoy a little Arlo Guthrie. Okay, that's done, now grab your baseball bat and head out because Papa needs a Kindle! C'mon, Ammmuuuurica! Didn't anyone get the message in 'Jingle All The Way'? (note to self: watch 'Jingle All The Way') You should be ashamed of yourselves!
Oh well. I'm just a drop in the ocean, hoping to one day see this ridiculous trend end before Black Friday gobble gobbles Thanksgiving all up, and we're all sending each other Black Friday greeting cards with pictures of us camping outside Best Buy while eating turkey and green bean casserole made over an oil drum fire. But to spin that positively, perhaps this experience will only prepare us for that zombie apocalypse that's such a hot topic nowadays. Or for us all to become part of the Occupy movement.
What's your crazy Black Friday experience?
